I have not been sure what to think or feel lately. Everything makes me feel guilty. How could I make any plans after having lost my baby. How can I be concerned about my weight, where I am going to work, whether we should have another baby, taking another licensing exam for Social Work.......Thinking of the future seems bad since our baby is not going to be a part of it. We had discussed taking Logan and Izzy to Disney World but postponed our plans for a few years for when the baby would be old enough. How could I start making plans again for Logan and Izzy without Reagan. It just seems wrong....like I am discounting the fact that we were going to have another baby and now we are not. What a horrible mother.
In church today they said, "suffering is a condition of our existence." The question should not be, "why does God allow suffering, but what can we gain from our suffering to make us better people, closer to God and to our others?"
"form your attitude, don't have your attitude form you."
I believe that I have used my life experiences to make me stronger so that I can help people but I just can't seem to get this one. I was so looking forward to having a big family. I feel guilty that I was not excited initially or that I knew that I was going to have a girl, but really wanted a boy. Maybe all these feelings made God rethink giving me the baby. I was so stressed in January, haven't been exercising or eating exactly right, maybe God thought I wouldn't be a good mother this time.
I am finding myself pull away from everyone. I am not opening up or talking with anyone. I know that is unhealthy but I can't seem to move forward.
About Me
- Sharrie Cranford, LGSW, CMEP
- I was born a Social Worker. I have two perfect children. I'm half Democrat, half Republican. I am extremely competitive.
3 comments:
There are no magic words to make this any easier for you, and I know your heart is breaking. But you make plans for the future not to disrespect Reagan, but to honor her by continuing to be the best mother you can to Logan and Izzy. You cannot know the mind of God, but you can love your children and your husband with all your heart.
You go on because you must. One day, one small step at a time.
Sharrie, You are a Loving, caring mother and very devoted wife. You and Doug have each other and two beautiful children. Sometimes things happen that we have no control over. Whatever God's reason for taking Reagan into his arms, we may never know. He has a plan for us. Continue to trust God and have Faith in him.
Sharrie, you have Izzy and Logan, who need you to hug, love and be with them. You have a loving husband who also needs you. Together, you are a family filled with LOVE.
You and Doug are two exceptional people. I know together, with God's help and time, you will make it through this difficult period in your life. You are in our thoughts and Prayers. We are here for you. Love, John and Kathy
Sharrie, this is the first time I have seen your Blog and first time I have I heard your feelings about losing Reagan. You were so depressed following your loss. Now I see you moving to a better place in your life. I had to keep wiping my tears away while reading Reagans story. God does indeed work in ways we often don't understand. It was not your fault, remember that. Keep growing in the direction you have now taken. God loves you. I love you as do many others. Go girl.
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